The Fear of Life

I met a couple in their early-thirties who were highly educated but had left everything behind in their home country due to a feeling of emptiness, disappointments of work and basic everyday hustling of a European metropolis. They had been asking themselves the question “Is this all there is?”

Interestingly enough, I met them in a workplace that was toxic, led by fear, disrespect and sexism. It was their first job in Australia and they were very afraid to leave it. Maybe they wouldn’t find another job and struggle financially; it was too big of a jump.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot: You had the courage to leave your home country, to do something so radical in your life, you hopped out of the rat race but here you are, unable to leave a workplace where you’re treated with such disrespect. What happened?

I’ve come to realize that this happens in different ways to all of us.

When planning a leap of faith, one’s safely at home: there’s something tangible. But after a jump in to nothingness, there’s nothing to hold on to. No apartment, job, family, friends, culture or language that would tie one down. So, when there’s something, anything that makes one feel safe, they hold on to it like their life depended on it.

Other people might not have the guts to leave the comforts of their life, but even when you’ve left once, it might be twice as hard to leave the second time.

“If you’re afraid to live your life because you might die, you’re already dead.”

The stability and security are just an illusion in the end. No matter how much one works overtime, they might get fired. One can never buy enough houses and make enough babies for them to make their partner stay besides them. One can wrap themselves up and never leave the house and still die young.

When you leave the safety of your everyday life – you break the illusion of permanence. And that’s scary. 

On top of that, the moment we get out of our comfort zone, it expands into new levels. The old discomfort turns to normal and the lines of comfort resettle. There’s always something challenging and new for us; something that’s outside our comfort zone.

In the end, the best you can get is being comfortable with being uncomfortable.

xx