Every silver lining has a cloud

It’s been a while since I last wrote. It was in July, just before we went to visit Finland. Now it’s the end of September and we’ve already been back to Australia for 6 weeks. 

In July I was going through a lot of emotions regarding our trip back to Finland. I was afraid of telling everyone how it hadn’t been exactly what I thought and that actually, I was shattered. I was afraid of having to explain all the mistakes we’d made, that our lives in Australia felt like dead-ends and it was all our own fault; unpreparedness and delusions, even arrogance.

So, as we went back, people met me with excitement. “So, you’ve liked Australia?”. Smiling like a maniac, prepared to hear all the glorious details of my life in the Land Down Under. And I smirked a bit as I saw all that excitement fade and turn into confusion as I said “No. Actually I haven’t really liked it. It’s been a very hard year and I’m a bit afraid to go back.” 

It was surprisingly satisfying to tell people about our failed lives in Australia. I mean, why did anyone even think our lives were perfect here?

All those expectations of glorious stories tell that Australia is viewed as some kind of merit itself. It’s not just life, it’s Life in Australia. It’s supposed to be fabulous. Landing to a new country makes life marvelous. Instantly, of course.

Unfortunately, like every time before this, I had to take myself with me. I couldn’t leave my problems behind and start a new perfect life by the beach with good looking people who have all the time in the world. 

And at this point, I couldn’t turn back the time, change the mistakes or decisions I’d made.

As I poured my heart out I could see confusion slowly turn in to empathy. Most could understand, they’d been there somewhere along the way.

And so, it became easier to say it out loud. Every time I’d be more sure of my words, of myself. Soon I could laugh, I could joke about it. And I felt relief. 

I was ready to come back stronger.

xx